Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
