you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
