you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
