does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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