I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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