Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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