I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
