I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
