Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize