If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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