Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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