STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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