I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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