Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
