I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
