my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
