i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's official drugs can't kill me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
