u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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