Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
