He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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