thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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