I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
