Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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