Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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