I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
