To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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