My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
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Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize