I cannot find my penis.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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