'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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