Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
