you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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