You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
