I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
