just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
