I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
