my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
