I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
