shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
