i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
please come you make the beer taste better
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
