marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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