the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
