I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
