just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
