hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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