Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
