I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
