I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
