I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
