There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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