i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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