and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
