Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈