What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
