How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
