Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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