A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
