Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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