he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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