It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
