I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
