My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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