I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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