Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
