why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
