It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
