You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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