Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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