Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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