New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
