Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
