Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
