Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
