My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
