Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just high enough for therapy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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