At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
