Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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