If i come over, it means nothing
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
BRING THE BAGELS
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize