he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I supernannyed him into submission
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
