She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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