How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
