i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
