dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
